What’s Your Social Vibe Like?
Imagine going out for dinner to a restaurant and believing that the waiters, the managers as well as the unassuming diners are judging you for no apparent reason. You’re convinced that they’re side eyeing you because in your head you are just one big weirdo. This is what many of my day-to-day social interactions feel like. I’ll do my best to maintain a level of composure during the interactions, but thereafter, I’ll spend days, sometimes months over analyzing everything I think happened on that day.
Whether it is drinks with a friend, a casual group hangout or a kickback, there is always some form of pressure. Pressure to fit in, pressure to be interesting, pressure to be normal and pressure not to fail. And if you are anything like me, this can make socializing such a grueling activity.
So, if you haven’t figured it out by now, let me make it clear. I have serious social anxiety issues. Interacting with new people on a good day is hard but on a bad day is downright torturous! This is the reality for many people.
What Is Social Anxiety?
Social anxiety is more than just shyness, or occasionally feeling nervous in certain social situations. In fact, being a little nervous in a new setting is completely normal. Social anxiety is an intense, persistent fear of being judged and evaluated negatively by other people. With social anxiety, you fear doing something that’s embarrassing and humiliating. Not only can it impede your social life, but it may affect work, school, and other daily activities as well.
People who suffer from social anxiety are extremely self-conscious and are in perpetual fear of embarrassing themselves. Because those with social anxiety are usually perfectionists, a helpful thing for them to learn is that no one is perfect, except for Jesus Christ (1 Peter 2:22).
Social culture has bombarded people with the false idea that perfection can be attained if you look a certain way, own a certain thing, or have a certain career. Those who don’t meet these standards often see themselves, or are seen by other people as, less-than and unworthy of social merit. The Bible tells us none of these things matter to God; He looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7).
Those of us suffering from Social Anxiety should realize that yes, we are not perfect—but neither is anyone else (Romans 3:23). Rather than hold us to an unattainable standard and live as our own worst critics, we should rather learn to look to Christ’s righteousness as the ultimate benchmark and not that of society. Living up to societal standards is not what makes a person acceptable; being a child of God is what matters.
Challenge negative thoughts.
People suffering from social anxiety tend to spend a lot of time thinking about potential embarrassing scenarios, such as tripping in front of a room full of people or laughing at the wrong time and being judged and humiliated for their actions. However Instead of replaying the same tapes over and over in your head, begin to ask yourself why you feel this way. Are your assumptions based on facts or feelings? Faulty reasoning can steer you in the wrong direction, causing you to misinterpret things, jump to conclusions, and assume others are seeing you in ways they are not.
NEWS FLASH: The reality is people in social situations tend to be more focused on themselves and what they’re going to say or do next, than they are in scrutinizing your behavior. They can’t tell how anxious you are just by looking at you, and probably don’t even notice the things you’re mortified about.
Make Small Changes
A few ways I have learnt to deal with my social anxiety is to socialize when I feel most comfortable. Do not feel forced to say yes when you’d rather say no. Also experiment with different forms of socializing. You may be better with one-on-one hangouts (Like me) or maybe just group chats. Find what works best for you and slowly challenge yourself to scale up, when you are ready to.
My social anxiety is overwhelming at times, but I’ve found different ways to help me manage it. However, this is my personal experience and what currently works best for me. Ultimately your journey is your own and the only sure way to deal with it, is through the grace and empowerment of Jesus.
God makes everything better!
Consider that the next time you are struggling with the anxieties that come with interacting and socializing with others. It may hurt you to do it. You may blush terribly. You may say something laughable. You may stumble over your own words, or feet. You may not be the best dressed, but you will be there, sharing in that sweet fellowship that humanity was made for. And you can smile at your brother or sister through it all. You can love them because God has first loved you.
