The Adult children of Divorce Series-A Different View of the World

Continuing our series, we are talking about the major side effects commonly experienced by adults, who experience divorce as children. This week we will be discussing how different the world looks for an adult who experienced divorce as a child.

I have always wondered what life would have been like with a constant male figure in the house. Growing up, it was always difficult to hear friends at school not only share how awesome their dads were, but describe their awesome experiences in detail. It left me feeling deeply wounded. At the time I may not have fully understood the impact these difference would have on my life but I now see how different life looks for adults affected by divorce at a young age. We experience life with a completely different lens from those who have been raised by both parents. This lens not only affects our relationships but also the expectations we have of the people we have relationships with. I think we subconsciously carry the reference of rejection and abandonment into most of our adult relationships, sometime without even realizing.

Navigating Two Worlds

Another major difference is how we view the ‘home’ life. Those of us who have grown up with divorced parents struggle with the sense of having “no real home” anymore, even well into adulthood. This is especially difficult because it feels like we must forever navigate two separate worlds by being “two different people”, depending on which parent/family we are with.

This level of emotional turmoil is not only unfair to a child experiencing this reality but impacts their psyche and mental health immensely. Children should not have to navigate the emotional gymnastics of which parent gets to hear or see something from them first, because they fear hurting the other parent’s feelings, or feel like they need to justify the measure in which they love each parent equally. It’s too much pressure to place on children, and they grow into this with a distorted fractured view of not only parenting but co-parenting too.

Granted some situations are beyond our control and sometimes divorce may be the most plausible solution for everyone involved, but I urge us to really take into consideration the far-reaching ramifications of this choice on those we assume may not be deeply affected by it.

Divorce is a tragedy but like all tragedy’s hope can be found, it just takes a lot of time, healing and intentionality. I am a child who has experienced divorce, and I am single because my view of the world was fractured from a very young age. It is only in my recent years that I have come to truly see that God has a better plan for His glory than I can understand.

You may find yourself or know others in the same boat. No matter what messy background we’ve come from, Christ has a guaranteed hope to point singles (and everyone else) toward: the perfect, expectation-exceeding love of God.