The Adult children of Divorce Series-Lifelong Grief

We are talking about the major side effects commonly experienced by adults, who experience divorce as children. To conclude our series, this week I would like us to discuss how divorce can translate into a heavy loss, resulting to what feels like a lifelong grief.

Definition: Grief is the anguish experienced after significant loss.

The operative word being, significant. To children, separation and divorce is something that holds so much weight that it leaves such a big dent in their lives. What’s interesting about grief is that, it is not just one dimensional, it is experienced in many stages. These stages manifest overtime in different ways, by those who have been affected by the pain of divorce, children most of all.

Over the years I have learned that divorce is never “over” for the child. Even though the pain from the divorce remains largely hidden or purposely disguised, the devastation continues, often in new and unexpected ways as the children grow into adults, with their own marriages, families or if they choose to remain single as a response to the grief.

A parent might be able to totally start over with a new spouse, experiencing freedom from the first marriage and only minimal contact with the first spouse. For the child, however, their worlds will forever be fundamentally split. The divorce rate statistics are climbing, is it a wonder our society is gradually deteriorating? Could the stigma of childhood separation be one of the biggest elephants in the room? What if it was possible to change this narrative? Not in a blissful idealistic way, but rather in a way that encourages hope and healing.

The wound of our parents’ divorce or separation will last a lifetime, but it does not have to be life-draining. In Christ, we can respond to the pain with greater life-giving faith, hope, love, and joy than we thought possible, turning our wounds into our greatest resources. I have experienced the healing power of this hope. Depression, rejection and pain have been replaced by optimism, acceptance, and healing.

I know for myself that Jesus Christ bore my grief and carried my sorrow and that through Him I have been healed. I believe the same can be said for you, if you just believe, and give Him your heart to heal.