Is Your Loved One Struggling With a Mental Illness? -

For the longest time, I used to think I was a magnet for broken people. I seemed to attract people who were dealing with mental issues or were emotionally broken in some shape or form. Almost like I had a big bright neon sign over my head that said, “I know how you feel, I feel it too”. What was strange though was I honestly never believed I was struggling with a mental illness, I just assumed that I was born broken and inadequate, but never entertained the idea that I could be dealing with something far bigger than just self-esteem issues. Attaching a label to other people was a lot easier for me to do than to acknowledge that I too had a deeply-rooted problem, that needed to be addressed.

So instead of conceding to my affliction, I pretended it away. I made it a conscious effort to be the happy girl, who smiled and laughed all the time. The easy-going cool girl, who seemed to have it all together by giving people, ‘sage’ advice. But little did my family or the very friends that I used to council know, that I was dying daily, little by little on the inside. How every morning I would literally have to force myself to get out of bed because the thought of living another day was just too unbearable, to the point that I cried myself to school or work on most days.

Nobody knew because I didn’t want them to know, so I hid and suffered in silence until I couldn’t hide anymore.

The breaking point:

We all wear masks. Very few of us reveal our true identity to people especially our loved ones. We put many masks on each day. Some are worn to fit in and keep people from seeing who we truly are. Some are there to hide our weaknesses, to make us seem better than we really are. Others are there to hide our strengths, to make us seem more vulnerable. Sometimes it’s easier to hide who you are than it is to be your authentic self. The irony is that, it has been scientifically proven that being your authentic self is the best way to be happy and have the best relationships. So, the catalyst of most of our breakings points I believe are the masks that we are so committed to wearing. Its in us stifling who we truly are that breaks us a little each day.

People, dealing with mental illness hide a lot more than most, this leads to detrimental and devasting results. It is imperative that we monitor and support those who we believe are struggling mentally and take the efforts to educate ourselves on the potential triggers and symptoms that might help deescalate volatile situations.

If you have a friend who is struggling with mental health challenges, I encourage you to try help them invest in their own mental wellbeing. There are various signs that could result in one’s mental depreciation however, below are the most common, based on research and personal experience:

Changes in behavior

• No longer participating in activities they once enjoyed

• Isolating themselves from friends and family, and communicating less than normal

• Sleeping more and still feeling tired

• Being less productive at work or school

• Eating differently, either losing their appetite, or eating much more than usual

• Increasing their use of drugs and alcohol

Changes in mood

• Having trouble coping with everyday stressors or challenges, or worrying and stressing out more than usual

• Overreacting to situations or becoming sad, irritated, angry, or aggressive more easily

• Feeling sad and hopeless all the time

Changes in appearance

1. Neglecting hygiene or basic care, like how often they bathe or change clothes.

2. Looking tired or sad frequently

3. Dramatic weight loss or weight gain

Perhaps you have noticed some of the above symptoms, how can you help a loved one experiencing them? Below is a list of reminders that could form part in helping to restore a loved one’s mental state. These are reminders and acknowledgements that I needed (and still do) to help me cope on a day-to-day basis. It may differ from person to person:

Reality:

Acknowledge their pains, frustrations, and lived mental illness experiences. Just as Jesus said in this broken world, we will have trials, troubles, and sorrows. But Jesus also said we can take courage because He has overcome the world (John 16:33).

Identity:

Remind them that mental illness is not their identity, but their identity is rooted in Christ, and nothing can separate them from the love of God (Romans 8:31-39; Psalm 139:17-18)

Power:

Encourage them to engage in spiritual disciplines (e.g., Scripture meditation, prayer, fasting, worship, service, solitude) to ask and claim God’s power for healing. However, it is paramount that we ask and claim from a posture of surrender rather than a position of demand Luke 22:42; 2 Corinthians 12:7-9; 2 Samuel 12:15-25; Daniel 3:16-18

Be Faithful:

Honestly, depressed people don’t always make the best friends. There are times when we require a lot more than we can give. When we’re wandering through the wasteland, we’re not a lot of fun to be around. If you’re going to care for your depressed friend, faithfulness is needed more than anything else. Faithfulness to keep praying, keep encouraging, and keep serving even when it seems like things aren’t changing.

As one who has played both roles, let me assure you that your care means far more than you know. Your friend struggling with depression, may not be able to express it in the moment, but your continuous love, support and friendship is invaluable. So don’t give up. Hang in there as your loved one maneuvers through the darkness. God can use your faithfulness to help sustain them.

Lastly if you feel that your loved one is in need of far more serious support than you can offer, please get in touch with medical professionals who are better equipped for the more serious effects of mental illness. Ultimately the journey to healing is the destination and your role (however big or small) helps get them there a little sooner.

God doesn’t give up on us, so neither should we. His patience, love, and grace are limitless. Although we obviously aren’t infinite like God is, we do have His Spirit who can empower, strengthen, and guide us in these difficult and emotionally heavy situations. So pray. Not only for but with your loved one who struggle with their mental health, your commitment and support might just save a life.